Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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