Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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