A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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