Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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