you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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