Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
