people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
