I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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