yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
