when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
whose ass print is on the piano?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
