I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Idk if I want to put a bra on
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
