you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
