i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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