I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
