She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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