i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
