no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
