just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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