she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
