How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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