Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
