Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
