Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
