Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
