I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
