This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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