i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Please don't give away my fajitas
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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