Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
