you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We need to get me chipped asap
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
