I think I just saw someone hide a body.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
