wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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