I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Terrible idea I love it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
