I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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