You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
