my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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