my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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