meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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