I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
