Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
