when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
