plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
