whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
