If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
