I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
