This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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