A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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