Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
