During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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