So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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