when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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