i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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