just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
