Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
