I am puke
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
