I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
