So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
