I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
