making cat noises will not fix the situation.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
