Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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