i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize