I faked an abortion last night.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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