If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
