My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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