so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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