Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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