I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
