I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
sex in a hospital.. check
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
