I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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