its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
