Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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